Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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