White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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