Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
