what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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