walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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