i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
