im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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