Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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