Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
