Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
