shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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