And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You took a bar mat shot.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
