OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just shotgunned beers for America
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
