What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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