I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
