beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
