I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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