he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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