I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
