i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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