things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
