IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
