the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
