Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
