vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
