she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
