Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
