he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Two words: nipple clamps
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