I cannot find my penis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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