Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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