So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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