see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
