I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need help removing her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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