You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
