This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
