I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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