I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
