btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
