Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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