you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
