Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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