My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
