Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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