well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Shame is for Republicans.
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