yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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