even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
