i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
