Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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