The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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