I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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