I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
