I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
