she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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