I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
