I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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