after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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