Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize