Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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