i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
pop tarts are not kleenex
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
