Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize