the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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