I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
