based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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