420 ftw
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
