8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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