carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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