just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
