She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need moral support for this bender
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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